My High School
Girfriend Is
Probably Ready
to Take Me Back
(Now That
She's a Widow)
by Derek Waitlin
Post Kent Contributor
March 5, 2012
Today is the day I finally call Julie Kensing and patch things up.
Sure, she dumped me senior year of high school, but that's alright.
I figure 11 years was enough time to cool her jets.
Besides, she was married for seven of those years.
How do you think that made me feel?
The important thing is that she's single now.
Today marks six weeks since she put her loser husband, Jerry, in the ground.
He had one of those degenerative diseases named after some other dead guy.
Anyway, I figured I'd give her some time to get over him.
I'm considerate like that.
Maybe I won't even call-
I could show up at that insurance agency she works at on Water Street.
I might even bring flowers.
I bet she takes one look into my eyes and melts instantly.
We'll passionately embrace and kiss.
We might even find a broom closet.
She certainly won't still be mad about me cheating on her before Homecoming.
No one's that petty.
So what if it was with her 16-year-old sister.
What was her name?
Jessica!
Actually, I should see what she's up to...
