Galactic Republic Repossesses
X-Wing from Mike's Place
by Steve Floyd
Post Kent Reporter
A space-time incursion was reported in Kent, Ohio Sunday morning as an ancient, distant civilization repossessed one of its wayward space crafts from Mike's Place Restaurant at the corner of State Routes 261 and 43.
"It was awesome!" exclaimed 11-year-old Ronnie Hodgeman over the remains of his blueberry pancakes. "These guys with guns came out of thin air and took the space plane out front. A guy from the kitchen yelled at them and they shot at him with laser bullets."
The "X-Wing Fighter" appears to have belonged to the "Galactic Republic," though its not clear which galaxy they ruled or how the fighter came to be in Kent.
"I'm not saying a thing," said Mike Kostensky, owner of the restaraunt.
"There was a lot of chaos after the revolution," said S.S. Liberty Deck Chief Rex Cilian. "Empire -I mean, Republic- property ended up all over the place."
Cilian claims most Republic ships were remotely warped back by beacons in their jump drives.
"This X-Wing didn't jump back."
Instead, a 1979 Ford Thunderbird returned in its place.
"They put the jump drive in a motor carriage," said Cilian. "The apolstry was cool, but otherwise it was crap. I jetisoned it out the airlock."
Once the X-Wing was recovered, the Liberty deck crew gave it a major overhaul.
"There was sausage gravy where the radio was supposed to be and an American Steal T-shirt stuffed in the exhaust port," said Cilian.
In the meantime, the Mike's Place parking lot is missing more than just a space fighter.
"Where's my car?" asked Kostensky.