Don't Toy With Me,
Destiny!

(a Kent bar-hopping adventure)


by Carson Brady
Man About Kent
October 13, 2009

9:47 p.m. PROFESSORS PUB:
I just met the girl of my dreams! Her name is Destiny, and she's a cigarette girl. We really had a connection. She kept looking deeply into my eyes while she took my drivers lisence information. I got two free packs of Marlboros and I don't even smoke! I really think she might be the one. Sure- I'd had eight Heinekens at that point, but so what? Destiny said she'd call. I believe her.
10:38 THE LOFT:
Rick challenged me to a shot-drinking contest. It was definitely a mistake. I saw Destiny again. Told her "it must be destiny." She didn't laugh, but she was busy working. I understand. She'll call me later, anyway.
11:20 THE DAWGFATHER CART:
Ate two hot dogs in record time.
11:22 SIDEWALK:
Puked two hot dogs and a lot of alcohol. Ready for more!
11:38 THE ZEPHYR:
Drinking with Rick on the patio when I saw Destiny, the Marlboro Pixie. She said she needed another lisence to keep talking to me while she's working. Whatever. I'd rather hang with my buddy Rick.
11:43 THE ZEPHYR:
Got into a fistfight with Rick because he wouldn't give me his lisence. They threw us both out.
12:05 a.m. MUGS:
Made up with Rick over a couple of Jack & Cokes. I saw the readhead I had a crush on in micro-economics. Destiny the Marlboro Tease walked in and I pretended not to notice her.
12:13 MUGS:
Tried to make Destiny the Marlboro Slut jealous with micro-econ redhead. She walked over to the table and I said, "you had your chance." I don't think she's gonna call me now. The redhead got mad that I couldn't remember her name. Bitch.
12:22 SIDEWALK:
Tried to smoke a Marlboro. Puked again. Gave the rest of them to Rick.
12:31 RAYS:
Looking for Destiny. Rick came along on the condition we'd get Irish Car Bombs. I saw a guy that looked like Richard Pryor, before the fire. Is that racist?
12:56 THE 157 LOUNGE:
Some douchebag in a muscle shirt said we couldn't come in- something about their dresscode. I puked some car-bomb on him. Rick started laughing, then puked on my shirt.
1:09 THE VENICE:
Tried to play pool. Saw the Richard Pryor-guy again and tried talking to him. He apparently didn't get that I was saying the "n-word" in the context of an impression. Left side of my head starting to swell.
1:26 DOMINICKS:
Tried hitting on a couple of townie girls. They said I smelled like puke and walked away. Whores.
1:34 GYRO BOB'S CART:
Ate steak sandwich while thinking of Destiny. Probably isn't her real name, anyway. She's like a stripper, or a whore. Destiny, the Marlboro Whore.
1:39 PAVILLION:
Rick and I puked in the pavillion. It was a good bonding experience.
1:48 WATER STREET TAVERN:
Spotted micro-econ readhead. Time to make her mine!
1:54 WATER STREET TAVERN:
Redhead had a boyfriend- southpaw. Right side of my head is swelling now.
2:03 EURO GYRO PIZZA:
The bartender's the hottest woman I have ever seen in my life. Got a Guy-on-the-Couch to soak up the alcohol. Three bites in I turned and puked- on Destiny, as it turns out. Time to walk home.

 


 

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