The Post Manhattan has celebrated our annual newsroom Christma- er, Holiday Party and, I must say, it was a good one.
Like- crazy good.
Best ever. For reals.
That being said, I would greatly appreciate it if whoever has my slacks would return them. more

You Should Get Tested, Michelle
more 		I'm Too Cute to Take This Quiz more Don't Toy
With Me,
Destiny!
more

C'mon- just buy it.
You know you're curious.
So what if you felt burned by the last two albums.
This time it will be different.
You loved these guys 15 years ago.
So what if they still write all their songs in 4/4 time- you used to find that endearing.
Who says the frontman's lost his edge? more
Just "Do It," Man
My motto's always been, "do it."
It should be your motto, too.
Do you want to have sex tonight?
Just DO IT.
Go find a woman and have sex tonight.
Tell her you're a race car driver. Or a senator.
DO IT. more


'Chrone' Is a Snivelling Manchild by Shell Davis
My entire adult life has been a lie.
The past 20 years I've raised a wonderful daughter by myself believing that her father had suffered some tragic end.
Now I know that her father was a pervert who traveled 20 years back in time to take advantage of me when I was just 17. more


I’m Only Shallow Because
My Friends Are With Me


My Boyfriend Shawn
Is a Total Dick
I am so through with my deadbeat boyfriend.
Last night he stood me up for the last time.
Then he came home drunk to me because I was stupid enough to let him move in with me after he got fired from the deli. more

I Know What
‘Bless Your Heart’
Really Means

“What an adorable baby,” said the old lady looking down at my little olive-skinned angel in the stroller. “Are you babysitting?”
“No,” I said, “he’s mine.”
Then this lady looks at my baby, and back at my white face, and says, “Bless his heart.”
She then started walking quickly down the sidewalk and said over her shoulder, “and bless you for being so strong.”
“I’m not a single mother,” I yelled after her, though she didn’t hear. more

by Chuck Simpson
Post Kent Reader

I’ve come to realize that most people out there are actually attractive enough to date.
They are.
The problem is we’re all shallower when our friends are around.
If we all went out alone, we’d probably all hook up with someone.
But we don’t- we go out with friends. more

y





Eminent Domain Can Suck My Ass
City Hall is screwing me.
They're using eminent domain to buy my house for next to nothing.
This house is my life. Literally.
It all started when I moved here seven... more


I Can Beat This
Carpal Tunnel!
Friends and coworkers patronize me when I talk about it, then whisper that I'm whining to get attention.
To make matters worse, my poor grip has restricted my favorite passtime... um, golf. more

Good Help Is
Hard to Find

Most people think my life as Editor-in-Chief of The Manhattan Morning After Post is great.
It isn’t.
I haven't seen my boss in three years, which sounds great, except that I have 12 other bosses in his absence.
The board not only expects me to run their largest franchise, but also coordinate their international news network, if it can be called that, and run the Morning After website-
and all on a budget smaller than my Manhattan competitors the Times and Post.
So my life is hard enough without all of the incompetent employees with which I have to deal.
I have fact-checkers who can't seem to check facts.
My page designers are threatening to go on strike. more
 
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