Good Help Is Hard to Find

Most people think my life as Editor-in-Chief of The Manhattan Morning After Post is great.
It isn’t.
I haven't seen my boss in three years, which sounds great, except that I have 12 other bosses in his absence.
The board not only expects me to run their largest franchise, but also coordinate their international news network, if it can be called that, and run the Morning After website-
and all on a budget smaller than my Manhattan competitors the Times and Post.
So my life is hard enough without all of the incompetent employees with which I have to deal.
I have fact-checkers who can't seem to check facts.
My page designers are threatening to go on strike.
And the useless interns are starting to wonder if they should get paid.
The paper’s high-profile contributors are no picnic either.
Sure Chip Foxx's "Foxx-Eye View" is the most popular column in the country, but sometimes I think it's not worth all of the controversy and hate mail.
I've lost two interns to letter-bombs already this year.
And as for "Chrone," his column should be called "Psychotic Lush in Time."
I would have fired that hack the first week if it were physically possible.
Hey P.F., here's an idea- next time build two time machines.
And as for Jones, I have to ask-
Are you going to show up to work sometime this decade?
How's about you send me something that resembles, I don't know... A COLUMN!
I'm sick of having to patch together your megalomaniacal rants, soapbox speeches and travel journals into something coherent.
Now I know how the editors of Mein Kampf must have felt.
Two Pulitzers my ass.
My point is, if you have good workers, appreciate them.
If you have bad workers, fire them.
And if you’re a good worker with a background in journalism, or a working knowledge of the space-time continuum, contact us about some exciting employment opportunities.