A 17-year-old died of dehydration Friday morning after spending the week's heatwave in his room masterbating to internet pornography.
"I knew we should have gotten central air!" said Amanda Fulton, mother of the slain Jeremy Fulton.
Jeremy, who would have been a high-school senior in the Fall, was apparently reluctant to run his computer system and window air-conditioning unit at the same time.
"He kept blowing the circuit breaker," explained his father, Peter Fulton. "Jeremy had recently discovered YouPorn, and I guess he chose interracial bukkakes over cool air."
Friends of Jeremy said he was a "late bloomer."
"I think he just started jerkin' it last Summer," said Aaron Pickering. "He stopped caring about World of Warcraft and Harry Potter."
Both Amanda and Peter Fulton said they blame themselves.
"We should have taught him to drink more fluids, or maybe not kicked him off the computer in the kitchen," said Amanda.