Personal Fun with Time Ship 1
Some might assume that I would use Time Ship 1 to "mack on" famous women throughout history.
It’s natural to wonder what Cleopatra or Joan of Arc would have been like in the proverbial "sack."
But I, readers, am a Gentleman, and a Gentleman never kisses and tells.
I can assure you that I’ve had some very intimate moments with some of the most coveted women in American history.
'Nough said.
Then, of course, there’s the more personal type of fun.
How many of you guys have had a girlfriend who wouldn’t have sex with them?
Of those guys, how many then walked in on the girl having sex with another man?
That sounds like a situation worth rectifying, right?
So, as many of you know, I ventured back to 1986 to seduce my cheating tease of a high school girlfriend.
It wasn’t that she wouldn’t have sex with me- it was the leading-on and betrayal.
She really messed up my confidence. I didn’t lose my virginity until my sophomore year of college because of her.
So, if she was going to cheat on me our senior year, it might as well be with me.
Now that Shelley -I’m sorry, “Shell”- is a famous White House correspondent, she wants to cry “foul.”
(Oh, thanks, Shell, for telling everyone my real name- like I didn’t catch enough shit growing up with it. Like the year “The Abyss” came out, and everyone called me Perry Elizabeth Mastrantonio. I think that’s when I started drinking.)
So I got her pregnant.
Big deal.
She still did alright for herself.
And we have a wonderful daughter, Cameron.
She may not have been planned, but my girl is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
My only regret is that I can’t go back and help raise her myself.
I do go back and help her out from time to time.
Actually, that’s some of the best fun I ever have.
Just last week I helped her win her second grade spelling bee.
Now, I know some people will object to that, but she spent weeks studying for this thing.
She’s such a smart young lady.
She would have been runner up, anyway, but she would have lost to some stuck-up little bitch who didn’t deserve to win in the first place.
This Becky character seems to think she can push my Cameron around.
Nobody fucks with my little girl.
I don't care if she is seven- I'll erase her ass from history.
The only reason I didn't is because I know for a fact that Cam gives her a bloody nose in middle school, and that's probably important for her learning to assert herself.