Dear Madam Yang,
I've worked for a prominent politician for several years.
While I don't want to say who he is, I will say I've begun to lose faith in him.
When I started working for him, he actually seemed like he could make a difference in Washington.
Now I worry that he only cares about kickbacks and taking huge risks to pursue torrid affairs.
His voting record is a mirror reflection of his corporate contributions.
Is there anything left of the man I once believed in enough to work day and night and spend five months sleeping on a campaign bus?
Distraught in D.C.

Dear Distraught,
A dog is a dog is a dog.
Just because you used to fall for a guy's sweet-talking doesn't mean you have to keep falling for the same old song and dance.
While I'm sure you once believed in his moral fiber LOOK AT HOW SHARP HE LOOKS IN THAT SUIT WHEN WE GET ON THE BUS I'M GONNA SUCK THAT OLD-MONEY DICKtate your actions in the future.
Furthermore, if you care about your career in politics HE DOESN'T EVEN CALL ANYMORE I'LL FUCK HIM AGAIN AND GET HIM TO GET ME PREGNANT THEN THEY'LL ALL CALL ME MRS. DUMBLEBAUM and let him end up the Capital Hill floozie he deserves.

Dear Madam Yang,
I've been terrified to leave my house for nearly a year.
My neighborhood has been the hunting ground for two different serial killers, and I can't trust anyone anymore.
Now the killers are threatening each other.
Will they kill each other or should I be looking for a new place to live?
Scared in Scranton

Dear Scared,
While the country has been enthralled with tales of the Scranton serial killers, you're had to live through this nightmare. Who can say what a KILL YOU YOU FAT FUCK! I HATE YOUR COMMERCIALS! THINK YOU CAN KILL ME? I'LL WRING YOUR NECK!
What's important to remember CAN'T CRACK JOKES WHEN YOU'RE DEAD, CAN YA? I STRANGLED YOU TO FUCKING DE- OH GOD- WHAT DID I DO? NO NO NONO- GODDAMMIT! light at the end of the tunnel.