I’m Only Shallow Because My Friends Are with Me

by Chuck Simpson
Post Kent Reader
Is P.F. Jones?

I’ve come to realize we’re all capable of extreme depth or shallowness at any given moment.
The thing is, most people out there are actually attractive enough to date.
They are.
So long as they’re not physically repulsive, and have some attractive feature you can latch onto, you can stay attracted enough to date someone.
Like pretty eyes.
I like girls with pretty eyes.
So, if she’s got pretty eyes, and an otherwise average package, I could easily ignore, let’s say, a rotunda ass.
The problem is we’re all shallower when our friends are around.
If we all went out alone, we’d probably all hook up with someone.
But we don’t- we go out with friends.
Now I’m just a guy, but I’m sure it’s the same with women.
I can remember quite a few times I was talking to a girl who had a look of genuine interest in her eyes until her friend came up, gave me a snide look and said, “we’ve got to go.”
Does the girl stand up and say, “no, I’m going to get to know this average-looking guy better, no matter what you think.”
They just cower and say “bye” before leaving with their shallow friend.
But I know more about men being shallow.
Let’s say you’re at a bar, guys, with your buddies and you see a girl with an obvious imperfection.
I was in this situation last month.
My buddy Jerry and I went out to the bars.
Now, I should start by saying that Jerry is an idiot.
But, he has a car, and I need to get out of the dorm sometimes.
The point is I shouldn’t care what he thinks, but I do.
On this particular night, I saw a girl with a big scar on her cheek.
I almost skipped over her and then I thought, “why? I don’t care about a scar.”
I looked at her for a moment and realized that she was actually quite beautiful, you know, except for the scar.
It occurred to me that guys must ignore her all the time for it.
I saw myself walking up to her, introducing myself, buying her a drink.
And in my mind she was really open to my advances, you know, because she was so insecure about the scar.
Then I saw us dating, having lots of sex, moving in together, getting engaged, marriage, grandkids-
But then Jerry said,
“Ha-ha, look at scarface over there.”
And I said,
“Yeah- what a freak. Let’s get out of here.”

That’s how it goes.
So here I am, a month later, single.
Of course, Jerry’s got a girlfriend now, so he likes to give me dating advice.
The other day he said,
“Yeah, man, you’re just too picky when it comes to girls.”
I got pissed and yelled,
“Oh yeah- well your girlfriend’s got a rotunda ass.”
To which Jerry responded,
“Yeah? Why don’t you go find scarface.”
Oh well.

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