Violent protests in Egypt against 30-year President Hosni Mubarak took a dramatic turn Friday as armed citizens announced they had secured the famed "Stargate" space portal away from the Egyptian army.
"The dictator Mubarak is the last ruler to control us with these abominations," said a masked revolutionary in a film released Friday.
The rebels also claim to have secured other artifacts provided by ancient aliens, as well as advanced technologies from Atlantis long stored in the Sphinx's front right paw.
"It's time the people of Earth know their true history," said the rebel.
Upon hearing the revelation, the United States pulled it's decades-long support of President Mubarak.
"We are fed up with Mubarak's violation of his citizen's human rights, even if it is 20 years too late," said President Barack Obama.
"By the way, we've talked to the rebels, and NASA is back on track to go to Mars!"
With his citizenry emboldened and international support shifting, it's unlikely the Egyptian president will remain in power throughout the weekend.
Mubarak allowed MGM to film a documentary in 1994, though he would not give permission to release "Stargate" unless it was re-edited to look like fiction.
"He suggested they add James Spader," said director Roland Emmerich. "Apparently he was a big fan of 'Sex, Lies & Videotapes.'"
Kurt Russell was later added due to his sublime work on "Overboard."

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