Jones Petroleum Solemnly Mourns Loss
of Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez
by Embedded Infidel
JMG News Service
March 6, 2013

Employees of Jones Petroleum, a Post sister-company, respectfully mourned the passing of Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez Tuesday afternoon.
"Na na na na, hey hey hey..." teary-eyed JP workers sang along with other hymns, at JP headquarters in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.
Several employees felt the need to take solace in alcohol to deal with Chávez' passing.
"Who can down the most Jello shots?" a broken-hearted executive shouted.
President Chávez seized and socialized JP's oil fields and equipment in Venezuela as part of the Bolivarian Revolution in 2007.
According to industry experts, Jones Petroleum has lost $52 billion in revenue from the nationalized oil fields over the past six years.
Many blamed Chávez for the company's 2008 layoff of 3700 and why current employees can only get four-day work weeks, but that was all water under the bridge on Tuesday.
"Who wants to play 'Pin the Tumor on Chávez'?"
Some even honored the deceased president with a hastily-made piñata in his likeness, which they beat with sticks and kicked down the hall.
Jones Petroleum said, via press release, that it expects to take the rest of the week to mourn and reflect.



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