The Jones Media Group’s Board of Directors would like to humbly ask its readers and viewers for their help in a delicate matter.
You see, our visionary leader P.F. Jones is -well, let’s just say- flighty.
The last time we saw him in an official capacity was to launch his pet project, the Temporal News Program, in 2006 and the last time he regularly reported to his office was in 2004.
Since then, he’s been wandering the world with the clothes on his back, a laptop, and the companies’ only Visa Black Card.
We wouldn’t even know he’s alive if not for the last-minute editorial entries and random purchases of, let’s say, GE-Universal.
Needless to say, the editorial and accounting departments would like to put a stop to what they consider chaos- even if P.F.’s antics didn’t create the PR problems they do.
So, if, whilst dining tonight, you notice a seasoned black gentleman purchasing the restaurant you’re in just so he can make them serve Jager Bombs to him and his questionably-young dates, please drop us a line.
And whatever you do, DO NOT accept his challenge to craps, blackjack, three card montey, or any other games of chance and/or battle of wits.
Thank you.

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