|Morning After Post
|Meet Your Running Mate, Donald||RELATED STORIES:|
|by Chip Foxx
July 10, 2016
May I call you Donald?
I just wanted to congratulate you on the nomination and talk a moment about about your vp hunt.
Don't worry about all these Republicans thumbing their nose at being your veep, they just know they'll be overshadowed by your presidential greatness.
I'm happy to inform you that I've found the perfect running mate for you in the general election:
I know- I'm almost as surprised as you are.
But I've come to realize our two styles are just a perfect synergy of awesomeness.
We both know what it's like to be loved by millions one day, hated the next.
As you may reacall, you were my first endorsement for president in the 2012 election, before all the birther stuff blew up in your face.
But that's all in the past, and silly voter memories are short.
First let's see why the Trump/Foxx ticket would win.
I'm like you- a fellow New Yorker.
And who in America could dislike two New Yorkers?
I can settle down some of these noe-con wusses who don't think you're conservative enough.
I can also help balance the ticket with minorities and help with the immigration issue- I'm an expert at courting ethnic diversity.
Like you, I was an early supporter of the transgender movement.
Furthermore, I happen to know that women like me just as much as you, so we're set with the skirts.
One of the fastest-growing voter blocks is opiate addicts, and I have an ongoing on-again-off-again recovery with pills that they'll relate to.
I'll also make the perfect attack dog when you want to look like you're taking the high-ground.
I literally make a living making shit up about Hilary.
And Elizabeth Warren doesn't scare me-
I've paid women older and shrewer than her to dish out the punishment and you know what? I'm still here.
Face it, Donald- we're a match made in the voting booth.
Let's just forget about this Chris Christie nonsense.
That guy's got too much baggage- literally.
You don't want Jersey trash weighing you down.
Now that I've made your choice clear, you can drop me a line at your convenience.
Don't wait too long, though-
we need to get our story straight by the convention.