Fine- I'm Soooooo Sorry
by Chip Foxx
July 13, 2009
I'm sorry the sensationalized liberal media doesn't consider a pre-op transgendered individual to be a woman.
I think most decent, compassionate Americans would show her more consideration than that.
I'm sorry that Dae Woos aren't as tough as American automobiles.
I'm sorry my H2's air conditioning is still broken, causing me to loosen my pants and the girl to take her top down.
I've already fired my assistant for not getting it fixed sooner.
I'm sorry that I don't take entire bottles of prescription pain medication with me when I leave the house, but instead put a few pills for the week in a smaller, unmarked bottle to take with me.
I'm sorry I accumulated pill bottles in my glove box for months, which was the only reason there was a dozen unmarked bottles in there.
I'm sorry I don't carry prescriptions from seven different doctors around with me.
Like anyone else does that.
And finally, I'm sorry that rags like the Washington Post, The New York Times, The Huffington Post and MSNBC have nothing better to do than trump-up a routine traffic stop with sensational, cowardly tactics that bring down America's faith in the Forth Estate.
Happy, bitches?
When you're wealthy and famous, people can't wait to see you screw up.
When you're a cultural warrior, like I am, the liberal smear machine can't wait to chew you up and spit you out.
I had a misunderstanding this weekend that resulted in my arrest, so of course all of my enemies are trying to tear me down with it.
The elite liberal media, once again, is saying that I need to apologize for my behavior.
There are even consumer groups threatening to boycott my radio and television shows if I don't apologize.
Since it's what so many of you seem to need soooooo badly, here you go-
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry the arresting officer was so hard of vision that he thought my Hummer was speeding and swerving.
I'm sorry that sobriety laws are based around the unreasonable blood-alcohol content level of .08%.
I'm sorry the arresting officer is mixing me up with some other suspect that was shouting racist comments about blacks and Puerto Ricans.
I'm sorry the female officer thought my compliments about her anatomy were offensive.
I thought we had a connection.
I'm sorry I was nice enough to give that young lady a ride home.
I suppose I should have let her walk in the rain.