Because
Saipan is
America,
Too

My fellow Americans, the liberal fashonistas are at it again.
They will stop at nothing to slant public perception of our conservative leaders and opinion makers.
It should come as no surprise who they’ve chosen to ruthlessly attack this time:
Me.
As you know, I have a rather successful line of apparel products.
We at The Sly Foxx News site have sold over a million “Sly Like a Foxx” T-shirt and sweatshirts.
We’ve sold over a half million “Foxx Alert” headbands, cell phone and I-Pod totes.
Over 400,000 women and young ladies have purchased gym shorts and sweat pants with “Foxx Alert” adorning the posterior.
Furthermore, 200,000 parents* have made their kids the coolest students in school with their “Sly Foxx Nation” backpacks and lunchboxes.
All “Sly Foxx” products proudly display a “Made in the U.S.A.” label, to let customers know we proudly employ American values and citizens.
In this case, “U.S.A.” refers to Saipan, also known as the American territory of the Northern Marianna Islands in the South Pacific Ocean.
As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, the militant left has attacked me for my supposed “sweatshops” in Saipan, just because they aren’t subject to U.S. worker protection laws.
Just because the minimum wage is only three dollars an hour.
Just because the workers are all Chinese immigrants, indentured into practical slavery for thousands of dollars they have to pay back to the Chinese government or mob bosses.
Just because they work 16 hour days in 100 degree factories, including children as young as 12.
Just because workers are housed in barracks with toxic water and broken facilities.
Just because some Chinese girls who came to the island for good American jobs ended up indentured as sex workers for Chinese businessmen and U.S. servicemen, and some forced to have abortions subsequent from said work.
Now, I’m not the first American entrepreneur to take advantage of the unique manufacturing potential of Saipan.
Companies like Old Navy, JCPenny, Abercrombie and Fitch, Wal-Mart, The Gap, Banana Republic, Ralph Lauren, and Brooks Brothers have been manufacturing in Saipan and donning “Made in America” labels for decades.
They understand that the global community is specializing, and these developing parts of the world have every right to work their way up to our level of democratic opportunity.
You think if these people didn’t work for us they’d be working across the street, at OSHA-approved factories for shorter hours and better wages?
Wrong.
They’d be back to whoring themselves on the streets and working in even more dangerous factories for 13 cents a day.
We pour unprecedented amounts of money into communities like these around the world.
That’s how you battle global poverty- by buying American products that are cheaper because they were manufactured by the diligent, indigenous people in developing parts of the world.
Look at it this way- America never would have gone from being a back-water, hick joke to the leader of the free world if we hadn’t pulled ourselves up by our boot straps during the Industrial Revolution, and we did that by exploiting immigrant workers and their children by forcing them to work long hours in dangerous factories for little pay while living in substandard housing.
Would you deny parts of the world, particularly those on U.S. soil, the opportunity for the American Dream?
I didn’t think so.

*Figure based on approximately 100,000 units sold, presumably by stable two-parent households.

Companies like Old Navy, JCPenny, Abercrombie and Fitch, Wal-Mart, The Gap, Banana Republic, Ralph Lauren, and Brooks Brothers have been manufacturing in Saipan and donning “Made in America” labels for decades.
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