George Zimmerman said he's "relieved" to have been aquitted in the shooting death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin last year, and has been "warmly welcomed" back into his hometown of Sanford, Florida.
"Murderer!" someone shouted out a car window as Zimmerman walked down the street.
"Child-killer!" came out another window, along with a half-eaten ice-cream cone.
At McDonald's, the cashier stopped to spit in Zimmerman's Big Mac before handing him the tray.
He asked to see the manager, who added his spit to the secret sauce as well.
At Starbucks, his mocha was made perfecly, but had "monster" written in for a name.
Zimmerman can only sigh at these developments, and try to get back to his old life.
"I've been waiting for my insurance job and the neighborhood watch to call me back, but the phone won't ring."
He did come home to a message on the answering machine, but it was just a death threat from Vince Vaughn.
"You killed my movie, asshole!" said Vaughn, "oh- and that kid, too. Watch your back, bitch."
Zimmerman admitted he may have some concerns about his safety, and has considered seeking federal protection.
"Yeah, I'm sure I'm gonna get right on top of that," said a humorless President Barack Obama.