JMG Reporters Return from Writers' Strike
3,000 journalists claim they didn't know it only applied to fiction writers

by Lindsey Quinn
Post Manhattan Reporter
February 2, 2008
Is P.F. Jones?

This week journalists returned to their jobs at JMG news outlets from the writers’ strike that began November 1st of last year.
All three thousand reporters from The Morning After Post newspapers, ABS, DNN, OC Radio Network and JMG magazines claim not to have known that the Screen Writers' Guild strike only applied to those who wrote fiction for TV and film.
“Really?” asked Post Cleveland reporter Charles Figgler, via phone from the Bahamas. “I guess I’ll catch a flight back.”
Other journalists’ reactions were similar.
"When someone told me the strike didn't include reporters, I was just like, 'well bugger me,'" said Philip Waters, Washington Pulse reporter.
JMG editors and news directors were often forced to improvise.
“We just had our page designers make all of the advertisements look like flashy news content,” admitted Post Manhattan editor Harvey Winton. “Circulation actually went up twenty percent.”
JMG Executives believe the journalist walk-out was a thinly-veiled show of national support for The Army of Truth, a secret group of disgruntled employee saboteurs who advocate worker rights and higher standards in journalism.
“The Army of who?” quipped White House correspondent Shell Davis. “Never heard of them. I thought the strike was over residuals for digital content. My stories are going to stay online forever, right next to paid advertisers, aren’t they?”
No one has an explanation of why every employee returned to their post Monday morning, with one possible exception.
"We've had hundreds of complaints filed against IJI CEO, P.F. Jones," said Martha Benson, human resources director at Post Manhattan, "and so have all of the Post papers across the country."
Over 70% of the absentee reporters filed disturbing allegations against Jones.
"Every last one of them described the same scene," Benson said. "They claimed that P.F. Jones woke them, in their bedroom, in the dark, Sunday night and told them they'd be sorry if they didn't go back to work in the morning."
Benson has chosen to view the complaints as a final prank associated with the strike.
"We took the first ones quite seriously," Benson said. "Then we saw it for what it really was- a prank. I mean, look at the logistics of it. Jones couldn't have appeared in thousands of people's homes, thousands of miles apart, just like Santa Claus. He'd need a magic sleigh, or at least a- it couldn't have happened."


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