'Snack-halents' Contributing
to American Obesity

by Conner Banks
Post Manhattan Reporter
July 17, 2010

A month after Quality Consumables released its new line of FlavaJones "snack-halents," America is already estimated to be 17% fatter.
Snack-halents, billed as a "mobile solution to eating," provide the flavor and calories of different foods in convenient spray form.
Unfortunately, most Americans appear to be using FlavaJones in addition to their usual eating habits.
"They sold as many bottles last month as McDonald's sold hamburgers," said Cheryl Jesnik, dietician, "but each bottle contains 18,000 calories."
A single spritz of Chicken Parmisan, for example, is 150 calories.
"It's all in how people use FlavaJones," said QC spokesperson Victor Hoover.
"Please use responsibly," Flava Flav's image suggests on each bottle.
Studies show that snack-halent use varies with the consumer.
"Anorexics use it to cut out food completely," said Jesnik. "Fat guys put it on steak."
Critics are also concerned about the sprays' caffiene content.
"It's just to give it some extra pep," said Hoover.
A chemical analysis shows 98% of FlavaJones' "proprietary mix" is high-fructose corn syrup, fat, salt and caffiene.
"It's specifically designed to be addictive," said Jesnik.
She said the product could be fatal and should require warning labels.
"If someone used a whole bottle in one day, their liver and kidneys would shut down."
Without regulation, many critics fear epidemics of "mega-diabetes" and "über-heart disease."
Quality Consumables appears unconcerned, at least for the moment.
"If you got to go, wouldn't you rather do it with your favorite dish on your lips?" emphasised Hoover.

'fat guys put
it on steak'

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