Technical Difficulties, Sabotage Continue to Plague Post


by Conner Banks
Post Manhattan Reporter
September 18, 2007
Is P.F. Jones?

Nine months after staff cuts at both The Morning After Post Manhattan and parent company International Jones, Inc., the corporation continues to suffer computer failures and sabotage.
The Post newspapers across the country have repeatedly printed fictitious headlines in the past year, ranging from "Queen Elizabeth Forgives the American Colonists" in Manhattan to "Gerald Ford Hanged" in the bible belt.
Throughout the Post, JMG and IJI websites, visitors are subjected to obscenity, deviant propaganda and missing content.
Most of the system failures appear to be the direct result of sabotage by "The Army of Truth," a secret organization of disgruntled employees which formed after the January 1 lay-offs.
The Army has deleted entire corporate sites, like that of Quality Consumables, as well as Post columns by Chrone Osphere and I.J.I. C.E.O. P.F. Jones.
The most obvious evidence of the Army of Truth on the Post site is in the Morning After "Daybreak" crest, which is continually replaced with a "smiling mushroom cloud" logo.
"Every time we reload the crest, that mushroom cloud comes back. We think it’s a virus," said JMG spokesperson Rachel Whitmore.
"The damage being done by these criminals is insurmountable,” Whitmore continued. "particularly the damage to our readers’ trust."
According to Editor in Chief Harvey Winton, repeated attempts by Human Resources to weed out the saboteurs have failed.
"We have replaced the entire design and copy-editing staff twice in the past six months," said Winton, "and still the sabotage continues."
Sergeant Joseph Brady of NYPD’s 48th Precinct had little to add.
"The investigation is at an impasse," Brady said. "Of the hundreds of current and former employees we interviewed, none had the access to execute all of the pranks- er, sabotage."
Brady admits the department is no longer considering the case a priority.
"To be honest, we’ve got real crimes to solve," said Brady. "Besides, a lot of the boys at the precinct think the Army’s funny."
"This 'Army' is no laughing matter," said Winton. "These corporate terrorists have cost I.J.I. stockholders, and P.F. Jones, millions."
Others in the company feel differently about blaming sabotage alone.
"The damage inflicted by the Army has been overstated," said Kiko Yamamoto, IT specialist at the Post Manhattan.
According to Yamamoto, many technical difficulties have nothing to do with sabotage.
"There are countless computer errors throughout the system," said Yamamoto, "many of which are being generated by Chrone Osphere."
Yamamoto further elaborated.
"Chrone and Time Ship 1 are firing temporal signals at the IJI computer network from all over the space-time continuum. Who knows what kind of damage those particles are doing."
Furthermore, Yamamoto believes misuse of equipment on Time Ship 1 may be aggravating the situation.
"If Chrone's really cross-wired the cortical stimulator, cerebral stenographer and TIF generator the way he claims to have," said Yamamoto, "we could have a real problem." Yamamoto said as long as the Post continues its Temporal News Program, it can likely expect problems.
"We don't even think his columns are arriving in the order he wrote them."

The 'Army' has not only been sabotaging elements of the Post online and JMG websites, but leaving editorial comments, like the one above, about Post stories.

Automated transmissions from Time Ship 1 have appeared throughout the I.J.I. computer network, possibly contributing to system errors


submit to reddit
front page about us mission statement the characters