Candidates Discuss Best Way
to Ruin America by Next Fall
d
dm by Doug Mayfield
Post Los Angeles
September 8, 2011
Republican presidential candidates met Wednesday night to debate the best way to finish destroying the American economy and political landscape before the 2012 election.
"Some parts of the federal government are still functioning," said Texas Governor Rick Perry, "we just can't have that."
While the candidates had different approaches as to how they would ruin it, all agreed the Obama administration should be left standing over a smoldering debacle of a country.
"We are doing our part in Congress to make the government irrelevant and America a failure!" boasted Representative Michele Bachmann.
"And we will continue to block anything Obama wants until unemployment is in the double digits," she promised.
Several of the candidates ganged up on former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, claiming he didn't have the nerve to undermine political discourse efficiently enough by next November.
"But I really do!" whined Romney, "just give me that chance."
One candidate in the debate took a more reasonable approach.
"I have a plan that will bring America back from the brink of destruction," said John Huntsman, "and I'll tell you about it January 20, 2013!"
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