Alaskan governor and republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin stunned the nation this past week as she began solving all of the world's problems.
It began last week when Palin solved the Wall Street Bailout.
"It was really simple, once I started crunching the numbers," said Palin.
Once she completed her proposal, not only did congressional democrats and republicans pass the bill without it costing the American taxpayers, but China actually owed us money.
"Then I was like, 'what's up with this energy thing?'" said Palin.
Governor Palin next tackled U.S. energy independence and came up with a comprehensive solution that would make independce not only possible, but affordable, in under six years.
Palin went on to solve Social Security solvency, Free Trade disparities, the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, AIDS in Africa and Global Warming.
"It's just all part of my new thinking," Palin said.
Palin said her "new thinking" began in early September after First Dude Todd Palin accidently hit her with a snow shovel.
"We were shoveling our front walk for a photo op," Palin said. "At first all I saw was stars. Then I started seeing numbers arranging themselves in my head."
Vive-presidential candidate and Deleware senator Joe Biden had been looking forward to debating Palin, but has now been drunk the past two days.
"She's a sandbagging hussy!" Biden declared after his sixth Harvey Wallbanger. "I should have killed that bitch when I had the chance."
Arizona senator and republican presidential candidate John McCain tried to respond positively.
"Well I, er- I knew she could do it all along," said McCain. "Seriously, are you fucking with me? It's not cool."