NFL Bars Players From Having Wives, Children
  by Jennifer Cox
Post Manhattan Reporter
September 8, 2014


The National Football League announced Friday that they are barring their players from any future matrimony and/or child conception without voiding their contracts.
"This is the only way we can hope to avoid these domestic violence issues," said NFL Commissioner Robert Goodell.
"These guys are violent monsters that shouldn't be allowed near women or children."
Goodell said he was tired of trying to keep up the image of his organization while player continually make news beating their wives and children.
"This isn't something that awareness or education can fix," said the commissioner.
"I could try pointing out that our boys are far below the national average for such crimes, or that the rate they're committed has decreased under my tenure, but you queers in the media probably wouldn't cover it anyway."
Goodell is expected to host another press conference early next week.


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