I Know What
You Nasty-Asses
Are Up To
by Janitor X
Jones Tower Custodial Engineer
January 16, 2011

All you punk-asses at the Post think you're so smart just because you got degrees and work in the "big city."
You walk around every day trying to fool everyone into thinking you're diligent, organized and hygenic.
You might fool yourselves, and sometimes each other, but you don't fool us- the people who really run Jones Tower.
The cleaning and maintainance staff see and hear everything.
Believe me, we know what you nasty-asses are up to.
Columnist Colleen Yang steals more office supplies than everyone else combined.
Reporter Jennifer Cox is cheating on her husband with an intern from the mailroom.
Chip Foxx has an extensive pharmacy in his desk.
Any time my back goes out I go up there for a few muscle relaxers.
Old-timer Conner Banks smokes pot and cigarettes in his office, but he deserves it.
His secretary, Cindy Stopher, gets paid more than he does.
Mr. Winton thinks Stopher took his pants at the Christmas party, but they've been in Lindsey Quinn's office for three weeks.
Martha Benson, Human Resources director, suspended a bunch of people last Fall for downloading porn on their computers.
But you wouldn't believe the filth that woman looks at.
She's into shit that makes my skin crawl.
I've never seen what's on Kiko Yamamoto's computer, but he does have a couple of condom wrappers everyday in his waste basket.
See- you've all got secrets.
And secrets always come out.
Because you will always underestimate the wrong person.
The guy in the next cubicle probably did hear that phone conversation.
The cleaning lady did see what you were copying.
And that janitor does know how to log onto the server and add something to "proofed stories."

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