President
Bush
'Keeps
Losing'
ISG
Report
Is P.F. Jones?

 

by Philip Waters

December 16, 2006
   

 

The White House stalled again today on answering what recommendations from the Baker-Hamilton Report they would consider implementing in Iraq.
“Look,” a frustrated Tony Snow said at a press conference Friday, “we probably would have initiated all of the Iraq Study Group’s recommendations already if the liberal media hadn’t already painted such a move as total admission that the president’s Iraq policy had failed.”
Snow later retracted and apologized for that statement after consulting his earpiece.
“What I meant to say was, the president is reviewing the ISG’s input, along with many other sources, but hasn’t absorbed it all yet.”
When asked by Post D.C. correspondent Shell Davis what the delay was, Snow said, “Well, President Bush hasn’t finished reading it yet. He, ah, keeps losing it.”
Snow refused to comment further on the issue.
Marie Richfield, 78, has been a White House residence housekeeper for over 30 years.
"He's been screaming his head off about that report for weeks," Richfield said. "He can't hold onto a copy to save his life. I don't see what the big deal is- he never used to read things."
According to Richfield, the President has had difficulty replacing the controversial document.
"Cheney will drop off a copy and then Rice will swipe it," Richfield explained, "so Rove will bring one over and Cheney sticks it in his briefcase, and Rice will march one in for Rove to grab. They've got it down."
In Iraq, Prime Minister Nouri Maliki was informed that he didn’t like the Baker-Hamilton report, either.
“Some of the 79 suggestions in this plan could seriously destabilize the current Iraqi government, and possibly cause my head to become detached from my neck.”
In his Sunday morning radio address, the president assured citizens that the ISG report was not a repudiation of his conduct in Iraq.
“The Baker-Hamilton report says the same thing we’ve been saying all along,” President Bush declared, “that we want to win in Iraq.”

 

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