Post Topeka

Is P.F. Jones?

Jury Winks Out of Existence After
Condemning Intelligent Design

an excerpt from
A Cacophony of Chaos

Jones Tailed Me to Topeka
by Chrone Osphere
by Sarah Quigney
Post Topeka Reporter
September 8, 2006
(in this submission, our temporal correspondent explains this and five other Post stories, should you choose to believe him. photo taken by Jones Mobile customer's DragonFly phone)

Yesterday spectators and court officers were shocked when Topeka judge Walter Prodijil and twelve jury members vanished into thin air after ruling against Intelligent Design theory being taught in Kansas public schools.

“We cannot be drawn into an unnecessary philosophical debate,” Judge Prodijil said on the steps of the Topeka Municipal Courthouse.
“Teaching of Intelligent Design will not be allowed in science classrooms, as it’s clearly not scientific. Our public schools are not there to teach the supernatural.”
Prodijil promptly disappeared into a puff of nonexistence.

Scott Gardener, attorney for the defendant, the Topeka School Board, had this to say:
“Pointing to the gaps in human knowledge and saying ‘that’s God’ is just ignorant. What happens when we fill the gaps? Does God cease to be? People need to base their faith on more than lack of knowledge.”
Gardener then ceased to be.

“We felt both sides of the issue needed to be discussed,” said the plaintiff, concerned parent Brenda Meyers. “But now it’s obvious- don’t fuck with God.”
Meyers said she was pleased with the outcome, if not the verdict.
“I didn’t home-school my kids for eight years just to have some liberal mumbo-jumbo stuffed in their heads,” said Meyers.

On the courthouse lawn, spectators continued the debate.
“Just look at the human eye,” said Lillian Rodgers. “It’s so complex and perfect, God must have designed it.”
“Really,” responded friend John Frauman. “Then why can we only see four percent of the light spectrum?”
Rodgers stammered to answer, but was relieved when Frauman disappeared.

"Sir, the weapon is online."
"Good. We just need to test it, now."
As if hearing my request across the continuum, Jones' golden time chariot winked into existence above the courthouse.
"Does he see us?"
"Not yet, but it won't take long."
"Okay, we want him close. Drop the cloak and raise the shielding."
I appeared beneath the dustbuster, and it bore down quickly.
"Wait for a clean shot!"
Jones fired on me.
The time-ray ricocheted into the court parking lot, taking several cars and drivers.
"Wait for it!" I yelled.
Jones' next shot destabilized my magnetic containment, and the temporal isolation field splashed all over the courthouse steps.
Dozens more people were inflicted with the ability to see changing timelines, and began watching each other wink in and out of existence.
"Fire!" I yelled.

read this whole epic battle!

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