Yesterday spectators and court officers were
shocked when Topeka judge Walter Prodijil and twelve jury members vanished
into thin air after ruling against Intelligent Design theory being taught
in Kansas public schools.
“We cannot be drawn into an unnecessary philosophical
debate,” Judge Prodijil said on the steps of the Topeka Municipal Courthouse.
“Teaching of Intelligent Design
will not be allowed in science classrooms, as it’s clearly not
scientific. Our public schools are not there
to teach the supernatural.”
Prodijil promptly disappeared into a puff of nonexistence.
Scott Gardener, attorney
for the defendant, the Topeka School Board, had this to say:
“Pointing to the gaps in human knowledge and saying ‘that’s
God’ is just ignorant. What happens when we fill the gaps? Does
God cease to be? People need to base their faith on more than lack of
Gardener then ceased to be.
“We felt both sides of the issue needed to be discussed,”
said the plaintiff, concerned parent Brenda Meyers. “But now it’s
obvious- don’t fuck with God.”
Meyers said she was pleased with the outcome, if not the verdict.
“I didn’t home-school my kids for eight years just to have
some liberal mumbo-jumbo stuffed in their heads,” said Meyers.
On the courthouse lawn, spectators continued the debate.
“Just look at the human eye,” said Lillian Rodgers. “It’s
so complex and perfect, God must have designed it.”
“Really,” responded friend John Frauman. “Then why
can we only see four percent of the light spectrum?”
Rodgers stammered to answer, but was relieved when Frauman disappeared.