Post Honalulu B L O T T E R
Honalulu Police Charge Local Helicopter Rental Manager with Filing a False Report
Sandy Halifax, manager of ChopperJones Helicopter Rental, an IJI subsidiary, was charged with filing a false police report after he retracted an irrate 911 call in which he accused his partner, Chuck Greer, of stealing one of the companies helicopters.
"He's the only one with the codes to take it!" Halifax shouted at the emergency operator. "He's gone for good, I know it."
Upon arrival, police found that both Greer and the helicopter in question were both there.
"It was just a misunderstanding, guys."
Halifax was also given a misdemeanor citation for possesion of marijuana.
Intruder Evades Poilce at Jones Medical Center
A man posed as a Morning After Post reporter to gain access to Chip Foxx in the Jones Medical Center Friday, according to police.
"We called the Post Honalulu offices and they don't have any reporter named Heli Joppins."
The intruder, who fled when questioned, was described as a bald black male, athletic build, standing over six feet tall.
"He was probably just a fan, but we have to watch out for the Army of Truth, in case they attack again."
Police deflected any suggestion that they were to blame for the intruder's escape.
"He either had to swim out to the ocean or he flew away on this chopper we saw. Either way, we pursued as much as we could, considering no real crime was committed."
Man Steals Surfboard and Runs Into Pacific Ocean
Howie's Board Rental reported a robbery of one of its 10-ft. surf boards Friday.
The man, described as blonde with blue eyes, grabbed the board without paying and ran to the water.
"He ran off with my board yelling 'do it,' the dumb bastard. I think he was high on something," said owner Howie Summers.
After Facial Sabotage
by Heli Joppins
Post Honalulu Reporter
JMG talkshow host Chip Foxx is "doing well" after having facial reconstructive surgery sabotaged by The Army of Truth for crimes against journalism.
"There was no visible damage done, other than giving Foxx his old face back," said Dr. William Crawford, the physician overseeing Chip's recovery at the Jone Medical Center in Honalulu.
"I don't feel any pain at all," Foxx said upon waking.
"Well, that's good," said Dr. Crawford.
"So how long is it going to take?"
"To heal? How long before we can repeat the procedure?"
"Um, well, Mr. Foxx- they severed most of the nerve endings in your face..."
"So, you can't have any more reconstructives surgeries. Ever. You're stuck with your own face."
The room was silent for a moment, followed by the unmistakeable sound of Foxx sobbing beneath his bandages.
Then he stopped.
"What are you doing here, sir?"