Let's All Take Friday Off
(Just to Fuck with 'Em)

Nothing Happened


by Vinnie Giovani
Crime Boss & Contributor
May 28, 2008


by Colleen Yang
Post Manhattan Reporter
May 31, 2008

This day in age, local communities need to look out for themselves.
In the city, the poor and minorities have come to distrust the police for their brutality and corruption.
This is especially true in White Harlem.
By the way- that's the only thing you call the neighborhood between 110th and 125th.
I'm sick of this "Morningside Heights" shit.
Spread the word- next cocksucker that uses "morningside" around me is getting shot in the fucking arm.
And tell Robby and Little Bobby to take down that "Welcome" sign on Central Park West, and replace it with one that says "White Harlem" on it.
Tell 'em to get that signmaker on 118th to make it- he owes me a favor.
But I digress.
Like I was saying- inner city neighborhoods like White Harlem are adopting a "Don't Snitch" policy against police intervention.
People know that calling the cops either does nothing or makes things worse.
They "don't snitch" to show the police they're not wanted.
I'll do ya one better-
Let's show the pigs they're not needed.
I say we all take Friday off-
Just to fuck with 'em.
I want White Harlem to be totally crime-free from midnight to midnight on Friday.
We can do this.
Trust me.
I know a little something about community organization.
So all you all have to do is behave yourself on Friday.
I'll see to it that there are no collections, incidents or misunderstandings on my end.
I expect all of you little hoodrats to mind your Ps and Qs, too.
If you see any little shits fucking up, I expect you to whack them upside the head and say, "Didn't you hear Vinny?"
And if I see any of you hoods getting out of line I'll stomp your brains out myself.
Don't embarrass me on this.
So remember- be good on Friday.
For the community.

A terribly interesting article goes here, or would, if anything had happened yesterday in Morningside Heights, which it didn't.
There were no fires, thefts, assaults, rapes or murders between 110th and 125th Streets, from Central Park West to the Hudson River.
"Sorry, but it's a very slow day in White Harlem," said shift captain Mort Harris of the 26th Precinct. "We haven't made any arrest at all."
Apparently one old lady had her purse snatched on Canal St., but the mugger was tripped by another pedestrian 10 feet away, and then fled without the purse.
Neither the old lady, mugger nor good sumartian could be found by the police, who had nothing else to do but look for them.
There were also no grand openings, traffic jams or yard sales Friday.
Ernie's Bagels on 114th St. had a two-for-one special through yesterday, but it's over now.
"I want ten column-inches by the end of the day," said Post Manhattan editor Harvey Winton without listening to me, "and make sure it has two quotes this time. And a stat would be nice."
Morningside Heights had a 0% crime-rate Friday.
There were no detentions, suspensions or expulsions at Morningside High School Friday.
Ten inches yet?
There were no floods, hurricanes or earthquakes in Morningside Heights last night.
There was no contact with extra-terrestrial aliens, either.
Nor were there any plagues of locusts.
Nor any exorcisms.
Nor vampires.
Nor inter-dimensional portals.
Eat it, Harvey.
I quit.

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