Facebook to Stream Heroin
Netflix to mail 'Crackster' & stream movies on Facebook

js by Jim Stanton
Post Los Angeles
October 4, 2011

Facebook will begin streaming heroin and cocaine to its members, founder Mark Zuckerberg announced Monday.
"We're trying to adapt to our users' current and future needs," said Zuckerberg.
Starting next month, Facebook users will be able to take intravenous drugs through their computer by purchasing "Facebook Credits" gift cards now available at Walmart, Target and ElectroJones.
Facebook began researching whether it could breakdown and transmit narcotics over fiber-optic lines in 2009.
Once they found a way to reconstitute the drugs on laptops and home computers, the program was full speed ahead.
Smart phone and tablet users can participate through Netflix's new delivery service, "Crackster," which will mail the drugs through the U.S. Postal Service, allowing it to stay viable for a couple more years.
In exchange, Facebook will stream Netflix movies through its site.
"Members will need something to watch once their high and tethered to their computer," said Zuckerberg.
"I like that it tells me what drugs, music and movies my friends are consuming in real time," said beta tester, and now heroin addict, Sally Winecroft.
The Justice Department initially objected to the plan to systematically traffic narcotics across state lines, but caved when faced with the $25-billion corporation's army of lawyers.
Still, many are asking why the highly successful Zuckerberg would want to start selling drugs now.
"It was the only thing I could think of to make Facebook more addictive," he said.

'I like that it tells
me what drugs,
music and movies
my friends are consuming
in real time'

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