After Six Years, Fake Surgeon
Amazed No One at Hospital
Has Uncovered Him
|by Samantha Jordan
Post Detroit Reporter
February 17, 2017
|"Dr. Willford Johnston," as the staff of Blessed Heart Community Hospital knows him, has been posing as a pulminary specialist at the facility for over 73 months.
And, frankly, he's bewildered at the obliviousness that has allowed him to operate (sometimes literally) such an outlandish con this long.
"I mean, seriously, what's wrong with these people?"
William Johnson, as he was named at birth, was a lifetime underachiever before Blessed Heart.
By age 43 his greatest accomplishments had been getting an ex to forfeit her 2002 Honda Civic to him and two slip-n-fall settlements.
"But these days I'm a renowned heart surgeon," said Johnson. "Who'da thunk it?"
He attributes his success to his pleasant yet authoritative dimeanor.
"And I know how to rock scrubs and a white coat."
Appearently the community was in desperate need for someone with Johnston's skills, and was having difficulty finding a specialist who would work for the meager $87,000 per year.
"Holy shit, do you know how much weed you can buy with that?"
Johnson said he barely had to provide any credentials for the job.
"I just photoshopped my asociates degree into a medical degree from a made-up school," admitted Johnson. "Then I framed it next to a fake newspaper clipping about the school burning down. I'm slick like that."
He's now performed surgery 13 times.
"Lost seven of them," he said with some lamentation. "Made me up my game. I used to just watch reruns of 'e.r.' and 'House.' Now I watch YouTube videos while referencing a medical glossary."
Now considering the future, Johnson wants to further his self-education to approximate an actual medical professional.
"The way these idiots love me, I may be here the rest of my life," said Johnson. "If not, I've got a couple hundred grand ready to roll."