Is P.F. Jones?

KFC's New 'Double Down' Really a Pentagon Experiment in Suggestability

by Ezra Dulles
Post Washington Reporter
April 29, 2010

Kentucky Fried Chicken's new "bunless" sandwich is actually a government program to scout for potential assassins, leaked memos revealed Thursday.
The "Double Down," which features 2 deep-fried chicken breasts, 2 slices of bacon, 2 slices of cheese and a special sauce, is actually a Pentagon experiment to see if the sandwich's consumer will follow orders.
"Human instinct is to put most of it down and eat one piece of chicken at a time- like a normal person would," said an annonymous Pentagon official.
"Someone who fights that instinct, and presses that cumbersome mess into their mouth, the whole time, would probably kill a stranger if you told him to."
He added that consuming such a product also shows a distinct lack of concern for one's own well-being- another attribute essential for espionage and assassination.
After leaked Pentagon memos revealed a financial relationship with KFC, company insiders confirmed that the Double Down was an experiment in suggestability.
"The $4.99 price is just an experiment in gullibility," said Javier Benito, VP of marketing and food innovation for KFC.
Dozens of people who had responded positively to their KFC receipt-surveys disappeared hours later, only to be found on Pentagon payroll records.
"They're likely scattered around the world, toppling regimes and rogue C.E.O.s," said the Pentagon source.
This is not the first time KFC has been connected to government conspiracy.
In 2005, they were contracted to find people depressed enough to sign up for army infantry, to help facilitate the troop surge.
"You remember the KFC Famous Bowls," said Benito.

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