White House Correspondent Sues JMG for Sexual Harassment, Child Support

Is P.F. Jones?  
by Ezra Dulles
Post Washington Reporter

Last week White House correspondent Shell Davis filed sexual harassment charges against her employer, The Morning After Post, and its parent company, Jones Media Group, a subsidiary of International Jones, Inc.
The suit is asking for punitive damages for mental anguish, as well as 18 years child support, for the statutory rape of Davis by her fellow Jones Media Group employee and former high school boyfriend, Chrone Osphere.
The alleged incident occurred on November 18, 1986, the day of the Challenger Shuttle tragedy, when Davis was a 17-year-old senior in high school.
Chrone Osphere, The Morning After Post's Correspondent in Time, was sent back to cover the Challenger, but instead sent back a column detailing how he had stalked his underage ex-girlfriend, Davis.
The encounter resulted in the birth of Davis's 20-year-old daughter, Cameron, who is currently on the Dean's List at the Columbia School of Journalism.
Davis has named both Chrone Osphere and I.J.I. C.E.O. P.F. Jones as defendants in the suit, and is suing for child support based on the latter billionaire's income.
"It's quite simple," said Davis' attorney, Dick Serpentini, "Chrone couldn't have preyed upon my teenage client if he hadn't been given provided with the time machine by P.F. Jones."
Serpentini is confident that Davis will be rewarded a record paternity settlement in the millions.
Attorneys for I.J.I. think differently.
"The employees in question never worked a day beside each other, and they hadn't been romantically involved for years," said Randolph Cunningham, chief counsel for I.J.I. "By the plaintiff's own account, the encounter was consensual, and yet she is suing a third party, P.F. Jones. Her case just doesn't make sense. We at I.J.I. consider this to be a private family matter."
Neither Jones nor Osphere could be reached for comment, but the time-traveler's column will likely be submitted as testimony.


President George W. Bush
Captain Obvious
Chrone Osphere vs. P.F. Jones

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