from Coma

  'Tis the
Season to
Give 'til
It Hurts


by Lindsey Quinn
Post Manhattan Reporter

Post Manhattan beat reporter Colleen Yang regained consciousness yesterday after being in a coma for over a week.
"She's lucky to be alive," said neurologist Roger Dash, "much less awake this soon."
Yang sustained head injuries in a riot that broke out "Black Friday" morning.
"I was waiting outside the Broadway ElectroJones for the sale," recalled Yang. "When the doors opened, I was nearly trampled by the mob."
Yang said she managed to get inside unscaithed, but was still subject to what she called a "Thunderdome" mentality inside the store.
"Those bitches were vicious!" said Yang. "I've never seen so many women pitted against each other."
Yang said she was assaulted when she reached for the last of a particular satellite radio on the shelf.
"I went for the last Shiv and this lady ran over me like a pink tornado," said Yang. "The last thing I remember was grabbing the fringe of her coat before my head hit the display case."
Security tapes from the EJs Superstore cameras could not adequately identify Yang's assailant.
In retrospect, she considers herself lucky for not being one of this year's Black Friday fatalities.
"It puts things in perspective," said Yang. "No sale is worth your life."


by Cindy Stopher
Post Manhattan Reporter

I love the holidays!
I love the snow, the music, the giving-
I even love the shopping.
With the economy the way it is, this Christmas has come with some of the best sales ever.
That's important when trying to play Santa on a budget.
Don't be afraid to hunt for bargains or play hardball for the merchandise you want.
If you put some real elbow-grease into your shopping, you can avoid burying yourself in credit card debt.
Think of it this way- the more deals you get, the more smiles you'll get to see opening their presents, and isn't that what it's all about?
I had the pleasure of hosting my niece and nephew this past weekend.
It was their first time in the Big Apple, so I tried to make it as fun as possible.
We even opened our presents before they left, since I won't be able to see
them at Christmas.
Sasha, who's 12, loved her Tila Tequilla doll.
It was totally worth the 6-hour wait in line.

Is P.F. Jones?
Elliot, who's 14, was elated at the sight of his new Shiv satellite radio.
I had to physically wrestle that thing out of some hussy's hand. The bitch even tore my favorite pink coat, but I got the last laugh-
I bounced her head off a Jones Mobile display case.
But, hey- sometimes that's what you have to do to preserve the spirit of Christmas.

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