Revived Coma Patient Would Like People to 'Stop Fucking with Her'
QC-P
  by Dick Daley
Post Chicago Reporter
August 8, 2016

 

A Chicago woman woke from an 18-year coma Tuesday morning, and has thus far had difficulty adjusting to her time loss because she claims everyone "keeps fucking with her."
"What year is it really?" Sheri Turner, 39, keeps asking in disblief.
So far it appears that Turner should make a full recovery, though she is having some trouble making the jump from 1998.
"Who's the black guy?" she asked pointing to President Obama. "No, really?"
She's having particular difficulty with the current presidential election.
"People wouldn't vote for the First Lady or that retarded millionaire. What do you mean, I can't say retarded?"
Many staff members have grown tired of Turner's outbursts, and thus have stopped trying to explain modern culture to her.
"Poki-what-the-shit is that!"
Most have avoided the topics of George W. Bush, terrorism, cell phones, gay marriage, mid-east wars or the Kardashians around her.
"Is Ally McBeal a big star yet?"
Turner said she hopes to get back to her senior year of college, after a trip to New York she's been anticipating since she saw Sleepless in Seatle and Trading Places as a kid.
"I can't wait to see the Empire State Building and the Twin Towers."
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