President Barack Obama admitted to the world Thursday that he now has serious doubts that he was born in the United States of America.
"I just don't know anymore," said President Obama to a stunned White House Press Corps, "but Trump and the birthers have a strong case."
The president said he had spent the previous night scouring the Internet for sites claiming to have proof that he was born outside the U.S.
"I don't know why I thought my certificate of live birth was real," he said, "just because it looks like everyone elses.'"
The president now believes his birth announcements in Hawaiian newspapers were planted by his grandparents so he could gain American citizenship.
"I think they just wanted what's best for me, even if they had to pay off the hospital officials who directly release that information to the press."
Obama said the conspiracy makes sense, since those same officials insist on keeping his "original" birth certificate on file in the hospital.
The president went on to hush reporters who pointed out that he would have automatically been a citizen by virtue of his American mother or that the location of his birth couldn't possibly impact his worldview today.
"I thought I was open-minded," said President Obama, "but my thoughts may have been un-American."
The president said he's going to take a few days to decide on whether on not he'll resign.