I have to admit, I'm a novice at this whole adoption racket, so I'm going to put it out there to my readers-

How much do you think I can get for this Chinese baby?

Don't ask where she came from.

It doesn't matter.

All that matters is I've got her and she's adorable.

So, what do you think she would fetch on the open market?

Ten thousand?

Fifteen thousand?

In the little research I've done, it seems like babies can go for five figures.

Of course, those were all white babies.

They're obviously in more demand.

I don't see why.

This Asian baby's just as good.

I wonder if I can trade up.

If anyone out there's willing, I've got a Chinese baby and a Mexican toddler I'd be willing to swap for one white baby.

Nevermind where he came from.

Taco's great. 

He changes the channel when you can't find the remote. 

I'm sure there's other chores he can be trained to do as well.

Just remember to hide the cookies, and good- he'll climb to find them.

So, good.

That's a plan.

If you've got ten thousand dollars or a white baby, hit me up.

If you're law enforcement, this was all just a hypothetical.