by Mandy Wilson
Post Manhattan Intern
Kent State University junior journalism major
Dear Post Readers:
I, Mandy Wilson, college intern, whole-heartedly apologize for any inconvenience experienced by Post readers and all IJI consumers who have used the company website lately.
I’m sorry for not finding out which employees are members of the “Army of Truth,” the disgruntled media-terrorists responsible for most of the problems with The Morning After Post website and other IJI systems.
I apologize for both the Army’s sabotage of Chrone Osphere’s column about Roanoke, as well as Chrone’s alleged acts of murder and cannibalism in colonial America.
I’m sorry to see that the Army has spread to the Post Cleveland, and I’ve never heard of Captain Obvious before.
I apologize in advance for any sabotage the Army commits against this week’s issue, such as our holiday exclusives, “President Bush Memorializes the American Troops” or “Refining Costs: Inside the Expense of Processing Gasoline.”
I also apologize for our two-time Pulitzer Prize winning, billionaire C.E.O.’s lack of decorum in his letter to Rupert Murdoch. We have strict orders never to edit anything Mr. Jones writes.
I know that, as intern, I took a written oath to rid the company of criminally-inclined employees, even if no employees will look at me in the break room and write “narc” on my locker.
I know that it was my responsibility to locate P.F. Jones and retrieve Time Ship 1 from Chrone, and I failed.
Someone must be held accountable, and I was warned.
I understand that I will not receive credit for my internship at the Post.
Having not been paid, and using up all of my money on living in Manhattan these past three months, I won’t be able to afford to pay for the one credit an internship costs at Kent State.
I’m going to have to take some time off and wait tables at my brother-in-law’s restaurant for a while.
So, thanks, Post.
Better luck to the next intern.
You’re going to need it.
former college intern