By Mandy Wilson
Post Manhattan Intern
Kent State junior journalism major
Dear Post Readers:
I, Mandy Wilson, college intern, have been put in charge of “getting to the bottom” of the malfunctioning IJI website and nationwide problems with The Morning After Post newspapers, or, if I couldn’t, apologize for said problems.
I whole-heartedly apologize for any inconvenience experienced by Post readers and all IJI consumers who have used the company website lately.
I have not had any success in repairing the sabotaged information systems and software.
I do not have any training in computer programming or hardware, and haven’t been able to get the IT guys to help (or at least I’m not willing to do what they wanted of me in exchange for their services).
I also haven’t been able to learn anything about the “Army of Truth,” the group of disgruntled employees who have been sabotaging the newspaper and website.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to lead an investigation when I have no authority.
The department heads don’t even return my calls. They all know I’m interning for no money and will be gone in a month.
I apologize to Post Cleveland readers who purchased Wednesday’s issue, which apparently had all of its content replaced with the sentence, “Captain Obvious will set you free!” repeated over and over again.
It is still unclear if this has anything to do with the Army of Truth or if it’s just a local cyber-terrorist acting alone.
I apologize to Post Miami readers who read and believed the front page story, “Castro Dies and Leaves Dictatorship to Ricky Martin.” The Cuban leader is apparently alive and in full control of his regime. Mr. Martin could not be reached for comment.
I also apologize for P.F. Jones’ continued absence from the company and the sabotage of his last column.
I apologize for Chrone Osphere’s involvement, if any, in Marilyn Monroe’s death and any religious or philosophical ramifications of his report on the Israeli’s exodus from Egypt.
I apologize for Chip Foxx’s racist comments about “American Idol” contestants and his apparel sweatshops in Saipan.
I will try to improve the quality of service to our readers in the remaining month I’m at the Post Manhattan, and understand my success or lack there of will have an impact on my internship grade.
Thank you for your patience and consideration.