"Super-AIDS," as the media has dubbed it, was the result of Integrated Tech research to find a cure for the HIV virus.
No one at Integrated Tech remembers who's idea it was to give AIDS and steroids to embrionic stem cells.
"We thought it'd be easier to work on big HIV-infected cells," admitted Molly Podner, Integrated Technologies biochemical weapons specialist. "No one thought they'd keep growing."
Super-AIDS has spread from Integrated Technologies' headquarters in Hapsburg, Virginia to surrounding suburbs and farmlands.
"They've been killing everyone within a hundred-mile radius," said Sheriff Edward Pashley.
According to local farmers, the flying mega-viruses have been consuming whole cows and infecting the sheep with AIDS.
"Survivors are holed up in their storm cellars," said Pashley.
Now the Super-AIDS are headed toward Washington, D.C.
Luckily for the country, no politician would be caught dead in D.C. this late in December.