America was stunned this weekend by news of a long-term secret affair between former President Bill Clinton and former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.
Clinton was photographed with Palin at the at the Sly Wink Motel in Topeka, Kansas, when he was supposedly receiving heart surgery in Ohio.
"She's a little spitfire," said a smiling Bill Clinton when confronted. "Sure, some crazy (expletive) comes out of her mouth- that's why you've got to put something in it."
Clinton continued on with several unprintable innuendos about the former Alaskan governor.
Cable news pundits were shocked at the revelation.
"It's a travesty!" declared a heart-broken Glenn Beck on Fox News.
"Maybe he'll (expletive) some sense into her," said former Clinton aide Lawrence O'Donnell on MSNBC.
Clinton admitted that the affair started in 2008, immediately following Palin's nomination to the Republican ticket, though it's not clear how he managed to hook up with the attractive, and security-surrounded, 44-year-old.
"C'mon, it's me," said Clinton.
Palin has refused to comment on the story, even on Facebook.
Those in the McCain/Palin campaign staff said the news explained a lot.
"Palin was supposed to spend the weekend reading-up before the Katie Couric interview," said former McCain campaign aide Nicole Wallace. "Instead she went to a resort. Now we know what, or rather who, she was doing."
In fact, it appears Clinton may have been actively sabotaging the Republican campaign.
"She came back from one of her 'furloughs' saying 'Sadam planned 9/11,'" said Wallace. "We knew we had to teach her everything. Again."
While the affair has offered endless fodder for talk-show hosts, not everyone is amused.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, when informed, gazed at reporters with firey annoyance rather than surprise.
"Bill will walk Chelsea down the aisle at her upcoming wedding," said Hillary through gritted teeth. "after that, I can't guarantee anything."