Gazette Reporter
Honored, Transfered
for Slasher Coverage


Gazette Reporter
Murdered by
Scranton Strangler

tim by Marge Schultz
Morning Star Gazette

by Robert Lampini
Morning Star Gazette
Is P.F. Jones?


The Scranton

The Scranton

Gazette reporter Tim Zachery has had quite a week.
Tuesday he learned that he was receiving a Pulitzer Prize for his coverage of the killing spree by Edward Wilson, the Scranton Slasher.
"That was a surprise," said Zachery. "It took me a minute to catch my breath."
Wednesday, Tim was informed he was moving up to the big leagues: the Manhattan newsroom of The Morning After Post.
"I put in for a transfer a couple of years ago," said Zachery. "I guess someone upstairs noticed me."
Tim's good fortunes weren't over.
Friday he learned he'd sold his first book, tentatively titled The Scranton Slasher: The Rise and Fall of a Modern Serial Killer.
"The advance check was obscene!" said a gleeful Zachery.
While Tim likes to take credit for his work, he knows it couldn't have happened without the Slasher and his lesser known mortal enemy the Scranton Strangler.
"I guess I should thank the Strangler," said Zachery of the still at-large serial killer, who killed the more prolific Slasher.
"Without him, the book wouldn't have an ending."
A weasely little Gazette reporter was shocked to find himself strangled to death Friday night.
Tim Zachery, who'd worked at the Gazette for less than a year, thought he was leaving Scranton for greener pastures- a cush NY job, award and book deal.
You see, Zachery thought he could ride other people's coattails to the good life.
He thought he could reap the benefits of other people's blood, sweat and tears.
But Karma intervened.
Karma didn't care that you were assigned the Strangler, and later the Slasher,

because Karma still knew you were the low man on the totem pole.
Karma knows you can't let other people make life-and-death decisions, then swoop in the morning after to take all of the credit.
Karma knows any of us could have written those stories, and maybe some of us would have, if it wouldn't have raised suspisions.
Karma knows that award, job and book deal should have gone to someone more qualified.
That's why Karma intervened- by way of the Scranton Strangler.

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