I've never formally introduced myself before, but I'm Steve, your editor.
I'd like to have a word with you about the economics of journalism.
You see, I had originally applied for an internship at the Post newsroom in Manhattan.
Instead they "rewarded" my with my own bureau in Kent.
Except that it still counts as an unpaid internship, so I have to work a full-time job simultaneously.
And I have no staff.
I'd love to bring you hard-hitting, edgy local news, but I just don't have the time.
As such, I've been printing letters from students and townies like they were stories.
I didn't have any of their pictures, so I've been using headshots from different 1980s heartthrobs, mostly to amuse myself.
I thought all Hell was goingto break loose, but none of you seemed to care.
And the Morning After Powers That Be haven't seemed to notice.
Seriously, I get zero feedback.
So, if I'm really on my own here, I'm going to start wetting my beak, too.
I'm going to replace the national ads with local, paying advertisers.
If you run a local business, I'm here to play ball.
I promise to beat the rates of the Record Currier or kentpatch.com.
Make me an offer, prefferably in cash.
It doesn't even have to be money.
We can barter.
Bring me a couple of subs, I'll give you a shoutout.
Want me to write a story telling everybody you've got the best tanning/tattoo/hair salon in Kent?
We can arrange that- for the right price.
Want to be declared "Pizza Shop of the Year"?
Slip me some Benjamins, and I'll make it happen.
I'll even trash-talk your competitors- so long as you hire me before they do.
All IJI and the Post seem to care about is money.
That's what I've learned during this internship.
Now it's time to get mine.