Cleveland-area citizens are still recorvering from the chaos created by their local media in the past month.
The chaos was created by ABS Cleveland, The Morning After Post, and WOCC radio and is all being attributed to The Army of Truth, corporate sabotuers that have plagued the Jones Media Group.
Furthermore, there is now reason to believe the ever-elusive Captain Obvious, whose bold spectacles have shocked the complacency of Clevelanders since 2005, has joined the ranks of the Army.
The Morning After Post website, where thousands of Clevelanders get their news, was hijacked for weeks with the announcement of the Army's arrival in Cleveland.
Last week the printed edition of the Post sold thousands of copies with a front page that was nothing but ads for International Jones, Incorporated products and services (which are usually spread out through 60% of the inner pages). They were filled with past reports on Captain Obvious (from which this reporter takes no joy, even if I did write most of them).
Outside the Channel 6 ABS Building, The "Six at 6 News" billboard, which usually reads, "The Team You Can Trust," was professionally altered to read, "We Sell Gas and Cell Phones."
Additionally, national JMG difficulties previously thought to be unrelated are now being connected to The Army of Truth.
The Manhattan-based "Dick & Peter Morning Show," which is sindicated nationally on the OnlyChoice Radio Network, was recently suspended for a racist program in which the hosts attempted to incite panic in their listeners.
"We were just re-doing the old 'War of the Worlds' hoax," insisted DJ Peter Johnson, "except with Mexicans instead of Martians. Who knew all those riots would break out?"
Charges are still pending for the DJs inciting riots in eight metropolitan areas, including Cleveland, as well as being investigated for connections to the Army of Truth.
"We're not part of any Army," said DJ Dick Lichter. "We were just trying to be funny."
I had a chance to speak with Cleveland Chief of Police Michael McGrath about the department's ongoing investigation.
Chief McGrath, have you made any progress in tracking down the Army of Truth?
"No, but we will. It's an admitted inside job, and it's only a matter of time when it comes to busting crooked employees."
Really? The Army of Truth has been sabotaging the Post Manhattan for over a year, and the NYPD has yet to make a single arrest. Why do you think Cleveland police will have more success?
"Frankly, we're taking it more seriously than NYPD has. They blew it off and look what happened- it went national. The buck stops here."
Do you now believe that Captain Obvious is an employee of The Morning After Post?
No? Not even a little?
"No, you see, he doesn't have to be. These deviant-types have a way of seeking each other out. They were bound to hook up sooner or later."
But surely you can't rule out the possibility that Captain Obvious works for the Post?
"Sure I can. These terrorist acts would have taken some balls. Reporters are generally a bunch of pussies."
I, er- you can't just... Captain Obvious may be an anarchist, but you can't classify him as a terrorist.
"Sure he is. He destroys public and private property all the time with his stunts. It's just a matter of time before he gets someone killed."
That's not going to happen.
"It sure isn't, 'cause we're gonna catch this punk before he can hurt anyone."
You couldn't catch chlamydia in a whore house.
"I beg your pardon?"
Nevermind. This interview's over.