I Kinda, Sorta Totally Forgive You, Dick

  by Daniel Randolph
Post Cleveland Reporter
July 11, 2014


LeBron is coming back!
After four years and two titles, the King is coming back to rule from Cleveland.
I couldn't be more relieved-
Not that the best basketball player is back in his hometown, nor that my team is a real contender again.
But now I can move THE 15,000 LeBRON-CAVS T-SHIRTS I MADE IN 2010.
LeBron ruined my life four years ago.
I spent my entire life savings on those shirts!
Instead of buying a house, I had to keep renting half a duplex.
When some nutjob vandalized my Shelby Mustang, I didn't have the money to get it fixed.
Do you know how humiliating it is to drive a muscle car that's been stripped down to the primer?
It's even started rusting, since I haven't been able to park in my garage for four years.
The garage had 500 boxes of shirts stacked to the roof.
Incidentally, some of these shirts are a little musty.
I think there's a leak.
But it's all good- I'm picking up a bottle of FeBreeze on the way home.
If you're interested in a premium LeBron James "Cavs 4 Life" T-shirt, hit me up- just $15, plus $4 shipping if you need it shipped.
As for you, LeBron- welcome home, dick.
Now get us that trophey.



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