'Sickest Sex Act Ever' Spreading
Throughout American High Schools

'Vindictive Goblin' Traumatizing Teens


  cbby Steve Floyd
Post Kent Reporter
April 7, 2014


More and more American teenagers are reportedly taking part in the "Vindictive Goblin," possibly the "sickest, most deplorable sex act ever."
"It's like being Donkey Punched, cuckholded and turned down for a car loan all at the same time," said Heath Pierce, teen sexpert and professor at Jones Online University.
Parents and guidence counselors across the nation are reporting teens that have been traumatized by the Vindictive Goblin.
Developmental experts say that taking part in a Goblin is, for teens and even young adults, even more damaging than a Golden Shower, Hot Carl and Rusty Trombone all at once.
One Ohio mother asked her crying daughter to describe what she had done.
"I wish I hadn't. It made 'Two Girls, One Cup' sound like Sesame Street."
"Many teens will have difficulties living with the memories, much less be able to have normal intimate relationships in the future," said Pierce.
"It really is the sickest, most deplorable sex act ever."
Even sexually-experienced teens find the Goblin to be disturbing.
"I'm no virgin," said Daniel, 17. "I'd done the Cleveland Steamer, the Shocker and the Dirty Sanchez. But the Goblin was something else. I haven't been the same since."
Daniel said the incident has also strained relationships.
"I'll never be able to look at those three friends, or guacomole, the same way."
As if the memories weren't bad enough, many teens have to contend with videos posted to online porn sites of them drunkenly performing the Vindictive Goblin.
"It's humiliating for all involved, like the cast and crew of Jaws 4," said Pierce.


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