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We Are Not Socialists,
Communists or Terrorists!
by Thoroughgood Killjoy
Dear Readers:
We at the Gazette are not fascists, socialists or communists.
We're also not terrorist sympathizers.
We're nothing the Herald reports.
We are not, nor have we ever been, affiliated with the British communist newspaper The Daily Worker, which changed its name to The Morning Star in 1966, as reported by the Herald.
We're also not affiliated with the 19th century London The Morning Star or its writer Justin McCarthy.
Even if we were, McCarthy was in the Irish National Federation, a political party, not the Irish Republican Army, a terrorist organization, like the Herald reported.
We have no finacial or journalistic ties to Al Jazeera which, incidently, is not a terrorist organization anyway.
We had no foreknowledge of 9/11.
Scranton is not an ideal place for a sleeper cell.
No one is going to do anything to your Walmart.
I mean OUR Walmart.
Thank you for your time and patronage.
God Bless America!
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