Captain Obvious altering James banner, from JM camera phone
Captain Obvious Adds Insult to LeBron's Injury

What's Up
with the Sex
Harness, Hon?

He's Leaving?
Now What?!
  timby Charles Figgler
Post Cleveland
July 10, 2010
by Cynthia Figgler
Post Cleveland
July 10, 2010
lampiniby Daniel Randolph
Post Cleveland
July 9, 2010


Captain Obvious
local anarchist & straight shooter
Captain Obvious Strikes Again!

Captain Obvious and the Manger of Truth

Captain Obvious Joins the Army of Truth

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Late last night Captain Obvious made a harrowing return by altering the Lebron James banner across from The Q to say what Clevelanders really are: Chumps.
Captain O undoubtedly spent hundreds of dollars on repelling gear and some impromptu rock-climbing lessons to demonstrate the way James played us all for fools.
He must have thought, while suspended 20 stories in the air in the cool night drizzle, "we have to admit this to ourselves."
Let's face it- we gave LeBron seven years and tens of millions of dollars and he still never won us a championship.
He always had to choke when the pressure was on.
In Cleveland we're used to that, so we did what we always do- we had faith.
Faith that James would come around.
Faith that he'd get that championship ring.
It didn't seem like faith was necessary when it came to him staying.
Of course he'd stay in Cleveland.
Why wouldn't he?
We're his home, and can offer him more money.
But, as it turns out, he'd rather party in South Beach.
The only thing we "witnessed" was an ungrateful child take our money and bolt.
That's why Captain Obvious risked life and limb to remind us not to trust our pride to athletes or rock stars or any one person.
We have to have pride in ourselves. Period.
Of course, the powers that be can't handle that much truth, so they'll problably tear down the banner within the next week.
I came home last night to find to find a harness on the bathroom floor.
My husband never answers his cell phone, so I'm left here to try to figure out for myself-
What's with the harness?
Did Charles take up rock-climbing in the last 48 hours without telling me?
Is he going to climb Mount Everest?
Or is this part of a sex swing?
He's been into some wierd stuff before, but this is stepping it up a bit.
Is that his idea of a surprise?
Or was he even going to show it to me?
Who's he using his sex swing with?
That shady little shit.
He is always sneaking out somewhere.
Where was he all night, anyway?
And what were the "lessons" he had in his daily planner, which I happened to see when it fell open on the floor?
What, is he learning to tango?
The horizontal mambo is more likely.
Well two can play at that game.
I know for a fact that Danny in the newsroom wants me.
Maybe he's about to get his wish.

What the-?
How the...
No he didn't.
HELL NO he didn't.
Who the fuck does he think he is?
This town made you, LeBron!
We loved you!
You were supposed to stay!
What am I going to do with all these shirts now?
I've got 15,000 of these things!
Now what?!
No one's going to buy this shit now.
I spent my entire nestegg on this.
It was going to be my down payment on house.
Now I've got nothing.
Just boxes of t-shirts no one wants.
Not even in Miami.
Maybe people would buy them just to burn them.
Nevermind.
Fuck it.
And fuck you, LeBron.


city officials say the banner will be replaced ASAP
 
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