Is P.F. Jones?


Biding
My
Time

by Tim Zachery
Morning Star Gazette Reporter

 

Scranton's a happening town, right?
Wrong.
This town's about as exciting as CSPAN on slow-motion.
The truth is, I only applied at the Gazette because it was part of the Jones Media Group, and I thought it would make transfering to The Morning After Post in Manhattan easier.
All my life I've dreamed of living in the big city where I could meet lots of interesting people, catch lots of cool shows and get Chinese food delivered any hour of the day.
I also used to dream of all the cool stuff I could report on in the big city.
And you know what?
NONE OF THAT HAPPENS IN SCRANTON!
What I wouldn't give for a carjacking or a fire at the tire plant!
Heaven forbid there was a murder or bus crash.
You know what I wrote about yesterday?
A sale at the Carpet Emporium.
You know what I wrote about last week?
A stray cat at the ASPCA had a litter of kittens. There were four of them. I wanted to stab myself with my pen.
I'm never going to get noticed writing about Easter egg hunts and broken traffic lights.
What's worse- it turns out I'm locked into this bureau for at least five years.
I would have had an easier time getting to New York from outside the company.
Screw you, JMG.
I'm looking for a job in advertising.

 
 
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