The Future of America Is in the
Hands of These Three Dickheads



  edby Charles Figgler
Post Cleveland Reporter
November 4, 2012


With an electorate bitterly -but evenly- divided across America, the next President of the United States is going to boil down to three assholes in Ohio, Virginia and Florida.
"Each state comes down to one vote," said Howard Steinberg, of the Jones Research Institute, "and each is a clueless dickhead."
"I really can't believe Romney would get rid of FEMA," said Norma Johnson, 23, of Lafayette, Florida, "but I had a milado boyfriend who turned out to be a real jerk, so I just don't know."
Some people can't get beyond their own racial issues.
"I like the president's stance on global warming, health-care and the auto bailout," said Jack Hexler, 37, of Hapsberg, Virginia. "I just really, really hate black people."
But others have philosophical issues.
"Barack Obama believes education is more important than the military industrial complex," said Daniel Randolph, 33, a Post Cleveland reporter. "But Mormons each get their own planet in the afterlife. That's pretty boss."
These three morons stand to nullify more than a hundred million American votes on Tuesday, and possibly one of their own three.
Whichever candidate these schmucks choose, you can be sure of one thing-
They'll choose him for the wrong reason.


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