Boners Happen. Sorry.

Coming Soon-
The Cure for AIDS!

We're trying to cure AIDS by blowing up HIV until they're big enough to work on.
To that end, we're infecting steroid-infused stem cells so they grow at an exponential rate.
What could possibly go wrong...

Strengthening Immunity Through Genetic Engineering!
We can now swap, massage or terrify strains of genes into behaving differently, sometimes with only chemicals.
We're testing drugs that could possibly tell your genes to boost your immune system by over 400%
What could possibly go wrong...

Coming Soon-

We're close to cracking the human biological clock.
IT BS is finding new ways to suspend and refresh living tissue in subspace, even suspending cells between life and death.
Soon, we could render our customers near immortal! What could possibly go wrong... more

Integrated BioSolutions
is a joint-venture with
Integrated Technologies,
another IJI company

We just wanted to say we're sorry for mixing up our first-class ADHD medication, Focusol, with our premier erectile disfuntion medication, Stiphinol.
In our defense, they're both little blue pills.
Obviously we never meant to give kids hyper boners.
But we believe parents of the few ADHD-burdened adolescents we dosed with schlong starch should look at the bright side of the situation.
Let's face it- your son probably feels better about himself than he ever has before.

Seriously, his self esteem has got to be through the roof.
Let's not go running to lawyers about class-action law suits.
And if any girl saw him in that condition, we guarentee- she was impressed.As for you senior men who took the ADHD pills instead of your ED medication, don't worry, the right pills are on the way.
And that's what it's like to actually listen to your wife. more

Public Relations concerns related to this little mishap are being handled by our friends at Malleable Perceptions.

Bachman Agrees to Endorse
PJ's Femin-Ease Line of Laxatives

In the biggest endorsement deal since FlavaJones snack-halents, Congresswoman and presidenial candidate Michele Bachman has agreed to advocate Femin-Ease in her stump speech if we contribute to her campaign.
"Because sometimes you need to get behind a movement, and sometimes you need a movement to get behind you," she quipped.
While Bachman only appeals to a small niche demographic, those people are fanatical zealots who will do ANYTHING their leaders tell them. more

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