Put the East Wing Out of Your Mind
Great News, Hapsburg!
We've just bought out the adjacent neighborhood, The Gates at Jones Mills.
Now the whole development is part of the Integrated Tech compound, providing housing for our new military contractors, Merc.Jones.
They won't whine or threaten to sue over a little toxic glowing.
Here at Integrated Tech, we're striving to become an integrated part of the community.
We're thrilled to offer lucrative jobs, sponsor little league teams and hold various charity events.
Just stop asking us about the east wing.
What goes on in there is really none of your concern.
Just put the windowless, four-story building the length of a football field out of your mind.
As a defense contractor, we work on top-secret research projects for the U.S. military.
So even if we wanted to tell you, we're not allowed.
But you can rest assured that you're perfectly safe living near whatever it is we do in there.
And tell your kids to stop trying to hop the fence- we're not responsible for what might happen to those who do.
|Sorry About the Super-AIDS
We were terribly embarrassed when we accidentally released that gigantic, flying strain of the HIV virus last Christmas.
We were working with PharmaJones to create a cure, but sadly took a few questionable approaches, like injecting stem-cells with steroids and HIV.
We regret any inconvenience or loss of family members.
We promise there won't be any more flying macro-viruses coming from the Integrated Tech compound in the future.